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So if you really like this guy, at some point you should open up more of your world to him. But I think most of the things that apply to heterosexual relationships have resonance with same-sex relationships.Question from Fran in San Fran: You don't mention a lot about homosexuals dating. Of course there are some differences, and I would be sensitive to those differences. Join singles groups that do the activities you love.But just so you know, I was the lead witness against the don't-ask-don't-tell rule in federal court and I testified for gay marriage in Hawaii, and for gay adoption and foster-child placement in Arkansas. Just because you have had some intimate relationships that didn't work out, that doesn't predict the future. If you like to hike, you are likely to meet men who like to hike in a hiking club.So please feel free to ask me questions that involve same-sex relationships, and I will be glad to try to be helpful. » Question from Sarah: I'm worried I have too much baggage to go back out there after a couple of failed marriages. On the other hand, if you don't think you know what ended those relationships and you don't feel wiser and more capable of a relationship now, then you should go see a therapist or counselor so you can solve some of your previous problems and get rid of the baggage. I haven't found anyone who likes to do the same things I do since my husband. If you like opera, join a group that supports opera.And quite a few men want somebody who has had life experience like their own. » Question from Catherine: I'm too busy to actively date.A teenage daughter, a 60-hour-work week, a full slate of volunteer/local board responsibilities, and a garden that still hasn't been planted. Would love some advice on how to prioritize my love life. PS: Let the garden go — it can come back next year.
I don't think that all men pick on the basis of age.
Question from Janet: I don't even know where to begin. Almost all activities have either singles groups or mixed groups of singles and married people who are all devoted to the activity at hand.
But remember, if you don't find someone interesting in the group, you should leave — don't get stuck in a place where there is no opportunity to meet someone.
So it's not easy, but if it's really important to both of you, and both of you work at it, it can have a good outcome.
Question from Lois: What about trips that are only for singles?
Should my courtship techniques be the same as when I was in my 20s? Question from Randi: What do you think about long-distance relationships? They take a lot of attention, by e-mail, by phone, sacrificing money because the cost can become difficult.